Life at England's
by GilbertAwesomeSauce
Summary: Have you ever wondered what it was like living with England? Poisonous food and British swearing ahoy.
1. Chapter 1

**I do not own Hetalia. If I did, there would be a few more females added. Way too few IMO.**

**Oh, and Leon/Xiang is Hong Kong, btw. And the explaination? Yeah, probably not true. Don't count on it. And I'm sticking Matthew here because I need him. For some reason I cannot comprehend just yet. Sorry for crappy spelling and grammar. My Word Document's being a bitch, so I'm using WordPad.**

Hong Kong frowned. Where was he? All he could see was fancy furniture, a huge bed and old stuff that did not interest him at all. Then it hit him- this was Mr. Kirkland's house.

**And pause.**

Here I will explain to you why_ Hong Kong _was in_ England_'s house. Yes, by England I do mean that fuzzy-browed, angry manifestation of the country England, also known as Arthur Kirkland. You see, Leon had been, for lack of better terms, kidnapped over the course of a night by notorius wanna-be 'father', Mr. Kirkland.

Beforehand, Mr. Kirkland had been discussing heatedly about opium in China's house (and winning, too), when the most adorable kid (Hong Kong) had popped into the room with a tray of tea. It was I-want-that-kid-as-my-son at first sight.

So, when China was prepping the tea, England promptly grabbed the kiddo under his arm and ran like the wind. Because, well, China was damn fast. Once safely at his home, he laughed and showed the apathetic Hong Kong his new room.

**Continue.**

The stench of something hit the air. Hong Kong hopped out of bed and opened the door- only to find another kid staring at him. Hong Kong did not move and inch or show any emotion. "Heeey! You're that new kid! I saw you, Dad brought you in! You don't look like one of us, though! Who are you? Whoa, nice clothes! How much?" the other kid chirped.

Hong Kong stared. "I am Hong Kong, and my clothing is not for sale," he replied monotonously. The other kid pouted. "No real name? I'm Alfred F. Jones, also known as America! And this is- wait...what was I going to say?" Alfred frowned. "I'm sure I was going to introduce someone else..."

"Me! Canada! Matthew!" a voice yelled. Hong Kong swivelled his head around wildly. It took a few seconds before he saw a...transparent kid? "Are you a ghost?" he asked. Macky looked up. "You-you can see me?" he whispered. Hong Kong slowly nodded. Merly looked shocked and a bit happy.

"KIDS! GET YOUR BLOODY BEHINDS DOWN HERE! BREAKFAST!" Alfred and Mat rushed down. Hong Kong slowly followed.

The stench increased. Hong Kong felt like vomiting. He reached the table to find- what was that? England turned around happily, holding a plate of a surely poisonous thing. Because the word food does not apply to England's cooking.

As Hong Kong sat down, he swore the thing on his plate was moving. "What is this?" he asked, a bit afraid. England beamed. "My specialty- scones!" he cackled. Hong Kong prodded it and nearly screamed when it _poked him back_. He stared in amazement at the two other boys as they scarfed down everything on their plates.

"How?" he hissed. "Look, uh, Alfred, I'll give you my sash if you eat this week's breakfast for me." Alfred nodded and nearly shoved the plate down his mouth. Hong Kong gagged, and reluctantly parted with his sash.

England, ever unaware of the secret dealings, smiled at Hong Kong. "Okay, I'm Arthur Kirkland, your new father!" Hong Kong twitched, not liking the idea of a parent whose cooking could potentially kill you. "What's your human name?" 'Father' asked. Hong Kong blinked. "Xiang," he said.

Arthur frowned. "Seeang? No, no. Too complicated," he muttered. His face suddenly brightened. Uh oh. "I'll rename you!" he exclaimed. "From this day on, you are now...uh...Leon! Yes, Leon!"

"Now that that's over, seconds, anyone?" Leon chose this time to empty his stomach on Arthur's lovingly polished wooden floor.

**R&R, please. Should I continue or just check this off as completed?**


	2. Chapter 2

**I'm so happy. I HAVE GOT REACTIONS YAY! Thanks, guys! /jumps for joy**

**I do not own Hetalia. AND NO OFFENSE TO GAY PEOPLE. I have nothing against you guys.**

It was time. He had planned this ever so carefully, taking great pains to not be discovered and plotting out his escape. He would finally leave this place, and return to Big Brother Yao! And his plan was absolutely foolproof.

"What the bloody hell are you doing?" A pair of gloved hands (who wears gloves to sleep? Weirdo) grabbed the collar of Hong Kong's nightshirt and tugged him back. A certain fuzzy-browed man glared down at the wannabe escapee.

"Why," he hissed, "are you trying to escape out the window at 1 a.m.?" Hong Kong frowned. "To get away from an evil caterpillar man who kidnaps children and can't cook," he replied.

A vein bulged. "Also," Hong Kong added, "the evil caterpillar man is obviously single. I mean, who randomly kidnaps kids? Way too lonely." Red face. Now, add this: "And I think he's a pervert! I know he likes what France does to him. Hey, hey, England, have you heard of hate sex? I bet you do." Wink and nudge for the finishing touch.

England was as red as a STOP sign. "WHY YOU LITTLE! WHO TAUGHT YOU THOSE WORDS? AND WHERE DID YOU HEAR SUCH BOLLOCKS? I AM A STRAIGHT MAN, AND THAT FROG IS DISGUSTING! HE'S REPULSIVE!" England roared.

As the Brit continued ranting, Hong Kong grabbed fireworks from in his nightgown's oversized sleeve, lit them and sneakily taped them to England's leg.

"英国。"England glared and growled, "What did I tell you about using Chinese in my household? I'm trying to improve your English skills, and- ...What's that hissing noise?"

Hong Kong gave a self-satisfied smirk, and suddenly kicked England towards the window. The Englishman was stuck in the small gap Hong Kong had opened earlier between the window and the windowsill.

"WHAT THE BLOODY HELL. WAIT, ARE THOSE FIRECRACKERS? OH MY GOD OH MY GOD HONG KONG WHAT THE HELL STOP THIS RIGHT NOW!"

The harbor city smirked. "五，四，三，二，一。再见，英国~！"

And that is how England was blasted out of Hong Kong's room at 1:21 a.m., propelled by the fireworks Hong Kong was so kind to supply. He came back 23 days later, after a disastrous landing on Turkey's couch that the Turk did not take kindly to.

**Whooo half-arsed ending. Anyways, REVIEWS MAKE ME HAPPY.**


	3. Chapter 3

**OH DEAR GOD. Let's just say procrastinating is not a very smart thing to do.**

**I do not own Hetalia.**

England was getting tired of the constant cheek Hong Kong was giving him. That boy said everything with the straightest of faces- England was sure that he was a master at covering emotions. Speaking of which, the brat never showed any feelings apart from being bored, smug, condescending or slightly annoyed. Plus, where the bloody dickens did he learn the word 'hate sex'?

While England was puzzling over his colony, said colony was slipping firecrackers down his 'father's' boots. "England," he yelled while lighting the firecrackers, "you forgot to go and buy some meat from the butchers!"

England would have avoided the impending disaster had he bothered to stop and remember that he went to the butchers just yesterday. "Thank you, m'boy," he chuckled, patting Hong Kong's head fondly.

Inside England's head, he was having a celebration. Hong Kong actually helped him! Maybe his colony wasn't so bad!

Hissss...

The sound jolted England and immediately a memory popped up (see: chapter 2). He froze, foot just about to go into one of his boots.

Check...pants? No, none. Shirt? Nothing there. Hair? Nope, cap'n. That meant...

"HOLY BRITANNIA ANGEL!" England screamed as he jumped away from his exploding footwear. His pants caught on fire. "Dog snarfling unicorn disbelievers!" he shouted and cursed, trying to extinguish the flames.

Hong Kong had this allll on tape, ready to be copied.

At the next World Conference, he sneaked in and sold them for ten bucks each.

**I have been procrastinating on this chapter for over a week. Thanks to one of my friends, a boot and a tub of ice cream (don't ask), I have gotten around to finishing this. NOW, BACK TO MY 3 PROJECTS THAT I HAVE YET TO COMPLETE!**


	4. Chapter 4

**I do not own Hetalia. Rushing this. I'm not supposed to be on my computer right now.**

**REBEL! /machine gunned**

**I'm trying for touching. BECAUSE I CAN'T. Also, I'm going to be hopping around timelines and stuff, so THIS ISN'T THE LAST CHAPTER I THINK.**

_July 1st, 1997._

Hong Kong wasn't stupid, oh no. In fact, he was extremely smart. So he knew that when Arthur told him he was going to brother China, he knew what Arthur meant by his cracking voice.

He was going home. At long last. What should he feel? Would his siblings even remember him? Probably, but who knows? From what he knew, their 'family' had broken up. As do all families.

Hong Kong pitied England. He wasn't the first colony to leave the European country. The poor British embodiment was probably feeling shattered, the colonies he had once raised turning against him with their independence.

Now it was happening all over again. Everyone remembered how heartbreaking America's departure was, with a whole war involved. At least he could spare England a battle by going over peacefully.

The English man refused to look at Hong Kong. The city could see he was struggling to hold back his tears.

He was, too, but doing a much better job.

The flight was over in a blink, or so it seemed. They unloaded their luggage and went off the plane.

Hong Kong saw China instantly, and was shocked. China was more haggard, and looked much older than the brother he had last seen. But his eyes regained their vitality after seeing his beloved little brother home at last.

England, forcing down his emotions, gave a watery smile and a wave.

The corners of Hong Kong's mouth turned upwards, and he mouthed a short but meaningful _Thank you._


	5. VISIT: Lies and Bad Starts

**YES, I'M ALIVE.**

**SURPRISE! /dodges rotten tomatoes**

**Alright, you all deserve a good explanation. And this is it: school's been a downright bitch. Y'know, the end of school's nearing, and teachers get this notion to **_**cram as many things as possible **_**within the limited time. So, more than 4 major projects, 2 of which are from the same class.**

**Enough with my rant- just know I'm active again. W00t. Warning: I will alternate between country names and human names.**

**Part 1 of the VISIT miniseries. Lolwut.**

**I DO NOT OWN HETALIA.**

You know the (rather unconventional) method England had, ah, 'gotten' Hong Kong? Well, China apparently didn't sit well with the idea of a foreigner with caterpillars instead of eyebrows kidnapping his younger brother. After lots of paperwork, English threats, and Chinese bargaining*, England finally claimed Hong Kong as his colony for 99 years.

However.

Once a year, China would be allowed to visit his little brother. And when that time came around...let's just say the past years' visits were recurring nightmares for our British gentleman.

And it was time again for China to come over. England was dreading it, mainly because he and China clashed together, like how China's wok had once crashed down on England's-

Nevermind. Painful memory. China was surprisingly strong for such a...feminine man.

England gulped, straightening his tie for the thirty-fourth time. China would arrive in around one hour, and he wanted to make sure that there was absolutely _nothing_ the Chinese man could pick on.

Hong Kong, meanwhile, simply sat on a nearby armchair, dully watching England fix himself. What was so special about the woman (Arthur kindly informed him of the visitor's gender) that came over once a year? Yes, it was entertaining to see her beat up good ol' Arthur, and yes, it was fun to get doted on by her, but honestly.

Well, she _did_ have good cooking (unlike Iggy), not to mention her English was funny.

**TIME SKIP TO ONE HOUR LATER, BECAUSE I'M LAZY**

Ding dong! The sound of the bell vibrated through England's home. The ex-pirate stood rather stiffly, then mechanically walked over to the door. He slowly opened it...

And was promptly swept over by an excited China who rushed inside, calling for Hong Kong. "HONG KONG, ARU! I HAVE BROUGHT GIFTS, ARU! PANDA TOYS!" he shouted, his Chinese accent making his words choppy. England winced at the Chinglish.

Hong Kong walked towards China. "Hello," he said, his English perfect. England felt a sense of pride, until it was burst by China. "Aiyah! If my Hong Kong's Chinese skills are ruined by your English lessons, I will _butcher you and cook you into my dumplings._" England twitched.

Hong Kong stared. _**My**__ Hong Kong? What on earth...wasn't he England's? The gears turned in his mind, and a solution suddenly clicked into place._

_England must be his father, and that China-woman his mother! Genius._

Hong Kong gave himself a mental pat on the back. It must be like those 'divorce' things he'd read about! That explained the visits! And the arguing.

"You must be my mother, correct?"

China froze. "什么＊＊?" he croaked out. Hong Kong blinked up at him.

"It's possible, right? I mean, you _are_ female, and England's-" He got no further. Arthur lost it, and started cackling, drowning out Hong Kong's voice.

China swivelled his head to glare at England. "You," he snarled. "You must have lied to him about my gender!" China, being a smart cookie (not to mention intuitive and wise), instantly figured it out.

This visit was not off to a good start.

*** Trust me. They love haggling and bargaining with prices.**

**** It means 'what' in Chinese.**

**This is only part 1 of the VISIT miniseries, in case you missed the little note on the top. **


	6. VISIT: That One Supper

**It's me!**

**I'm back!**

**And I bet you all hate me! Look, I honestly have no excuse for this. *hides from angry people***

**I do not own APH. And also, excuse me for errors. WordPad is annoying to use. BTW, following the last chapter, China informed HK of his gender, name, and country.**

**~.~.~.~.~**

Silence.

The atmosphere during supper could freeze lava. China was busy glaring at England and mentally strangling him. England was busy glaring right back and mentally stabbing him with his knife.

This all made for a very bored Hong Kong. He played with his food, unamused with the lack of speech. Heck, _anything_ was fine at this point. He pretended his fork was a ravenous lion, out to hunt down broccoli. _And then Broccolia screamed as the lion jumped on her, its claws ripping and tearing and stabbing stabbing STABBING-_

A cough brought Hong Kong back to the real world. He noticed both the older countries were staring at him with concern. He looked down to see that he had pretty much _destroyed_ his greens, and probably looked like a total maniac, what with the way he'd been stabbing his food. _Oops._

"AIYAH! You violent westerner, your habits have been passed on to my Hong Kong!" China screeched. He stood up from his chair and pointed his fork at England.

"What? How dare you! It's probably your fault! No wonder all your 'siblings' left you!" England retorted, standing up as well. He was armed with a knife.

China winced, but sharply replied, "Oh? Coming from you...after all, didn't all your 'children' leave you? And I remember one of them left with quite a war! What was that youngster's name? America, wasn't it?"

England let out a strangled shout, before _jumping at China, right over the table._ Hong Kong's eyebrows shot up. _Now THIS is entertainment. Maybe tonight won't be so bad, after all._ China cursed in Mandarin as England, having dropped his knife somewhere during his epic jump, started wrestling with him.

Hong Kong, leaning over the table to watch, mentally started debating on who would win. _Well, Mr. China is pretty strong, for such an old man. But England's younger, and he has pirating experience to boot._ Cussing and clawing, the two countries rolled around on the dining room floor. Every once in a while, one of them would make a jibe about the other, invoking even more rage and an even meaner retort. _A vicious cycle,_ Hong Kong noted.

After some time, Hong Kong started feeling a bit tired. "I'm going to sleep now, have fun, Mr. England, Mr. China," he said, waving at them as he left the room. The two gave no indication they heard him, continuing their battle. Hong Kong shrugged, before ascending the stairs. Not his problem if they knocked each other out.

**~.~.~.~.~**

**OKAY OKAY THAT WAS LAME.**


End file.
